I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
