I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
