apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
