bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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