It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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