I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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