Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Randomize
