did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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