so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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