that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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