not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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