If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
