I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
