He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
