Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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