I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize