I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
