I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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