Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We named our party play list daddy issues
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
