I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
