I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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