If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
