I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
