My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
