he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
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The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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