He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
