ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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