I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dicks are not precious.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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