as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
