I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
