so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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