woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
