it hurts more in the daytime
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
