I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
