Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Semen is not good for contacts.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
