I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
