so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
