Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize