Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
