he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
