I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
