I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
