Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
