So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
