Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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