If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Can I color on your dick again?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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