I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
