saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
