Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
