Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
