Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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