i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
