i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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