I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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