oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
