you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I will die if light touches me.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
