Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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