I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
