I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize