Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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