I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
