the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
