Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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