Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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