What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
