haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
