He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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