The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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