She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
