My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
