There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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