can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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