You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
